Pinball Wizard

“Can you try to calm down?” Ben asked me. I dropped what I was doing in the kitchen, said I would be back later, picked up my keys and wallet and walked (some might say “stormed”) out the front door. It was 10:30 a.m. Gus had been screaming all morning. Ellie was getting into everything…

We can do hard things.

The week in review through a series of short stories: Ben gets out of bed in the morning a few minutes before I do. Like a saint, he goes to the kitchen and starts the coffee while I sit and read the news. When I hear the coffee pot’s final beep, I stumble my way…

How to Have It All

I am rewatching one of my favorite television shows, Parenthood, for the third time. I don’t remember the last time I watched it, but I do know that didn’t have any kids and I wasn’t married then.   This time, it was a reality check to learn in the first episode that one of the…

Dannit.

About a year ago, my daughter Ellie was having trouble holding down her feeds. She was exclusively tube fed at the time and every three hours, her dad or I would sit in front of her big, purple, offensively expensive, special medical foam feeding chair armed for battle knowing that the odds were stacked against…

Grace is power, not just pardon.

Ellie’s birthday is next week. She will be two years old. I feel like she has been here for a million years. I think it is because of the amount of attention she requires. I keep hearing that she will grow out of this or that medicine or physical restriction, and I find myself wishing…

Jack is ready for school, but I am not.

I registered Jack for Pre-K today. Well, I added him to the list of other kids who want to attend public school Pre-K in August. While there is no guarantee that he will get in, we should hear soon whether or not he is accepted to one of our schools of choice. I missed the…

I don’t like babies.

Dearest Gus, Why won’t you stop crying? All day. All night. You’re clean. You’ve been fed. You are driving me crazy. I don’t like babies. Please don’t misunderstand, I love you, my beautiful baby boy, but I don’t like you right now. It’s not personal. I don’t like any babies at your age. If we…

Heart-Swelling Pride

Ellie was standing on the curb when I got to her school to pick her up yesterday afternoon. I had to stop the car in the middle of the drive when I saw her. She was standing with the help of her little red walker, her hands gripping the handles. She was wearing her leg…

Enough is Enough

I wrote this back in September and have debated with myself about showing it to others. I sent it to a few places and it was published, but I didn’t share it on my blog because it was so heavily edited that I felt like the editor missed the point of what I was trying…

Defining Chaos

August Benjamin joined our family on the day after Christmas. The holidays were a blur. The last month has been a blur. What did I even do five minutes ago? The Honaker house is a disaster these days. There is always a pile of laundry on the couch. The dishwasher always needs to be unloaded….