Three of them

“You know, pretty soon there will be three of them on scooters.” Ben said these words to me about a month ago and they have haunted me ever since. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of this sooner, but I am “going to have three of them” doing any number of things at the…

Bad Mommy

“You’re a bad mommy,” Jack said during lunch. “You always do these bad things.” Gus was screaming in my arms because I wouldn’t let him suck his thumb and eat at the same time. Ellie had bitten my finger so hard that it bled because I wouldn’t let her put chalk in her mouth. Jack…

Keeping Mom Well: Gray Hair, Self-Care

I quit coloring my hair about six months ago. It’s not a huge change, but my hair is more brown than blonde these days. Pretty quickly, I noticed the gray that had been hidden from me for years. It started with a few pieces in the front and on the sides. I can’t see the…

Grace is power, not just pardon.

Ellie’s birthday is next week. She will be two years old. I feel like she has been here for a million years. I think it is because of the amount of attention she requires. I keep hearing that she will grow out of this or that medicine or physical restriction, and I find myself wishing…

Quarantine Olympics

Operation Shelter in Place: Day 498,234(Ok, ok. Really it’s only been 26 days.) About an hour after all of the kids wake up in the morning, Ben and I start a daily physical fitness test. Moving around the house with all of the kids’ toys and activities spread around can be challenging and by the…

Words Matter

Obviously, I believe that words matter. Language is a tool that can be used to paint a picture to convey a message. It can be written or spoken. Singing is as old as humanity and can speak to hearts when spoken words can’t’ be heard. I hear a lot of words about what is happening:…

Donate Life

Before our daughter was born, my husband and I met with Arkansas Regional Organ Recovery Agency (ARORA) about organ donation. In utero, she was diagnosed with two critical heart defects and Down syndrome. We were told to expect the worst and hope for the best when she was born and to also understand the risks…

Worry. Worry, worry, worry, worry.

Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone.– Ray LaMontagne I am worried. That is not news. My standard operating baseline includes a level 8 out of 10 in worry. My motto seems to be “If I am not worrying about it, then who will?” It is no surprise that in this time…

What are you thinking about?

What is going on in that head of yours? What are you looking at when you are watching out the window while we drive in the car? What do you think about when you are tucked in bed, waiting to fall asleep? While you are staring out the front door, what do you see? Do…

Heart Month

We planned Ellie’s funeral before she was born. We met with Arkansas Regional Organ Recovery Agency (ARORA) about our options. They looked at test results and talked with doctors to determine which organs and parts could be used by someone else’s baby. She was to be cremated. There would be no ceremony. We would figure…