Grace is power, not just pardon.

Ellie’s birthday is next week. She will be two years old. I feel like she has been here for a million years. I think it is because of the amount of attention she requires. I keep hearing that she will grow out of this or that medicine or physical restriction, and I find myself wishing…

Quarantine Olympics

Operation Shelter in Place: Day 498,234(Ok, ok. Really it’s only been 26 days.) About an hour after all of the kids wake up in the morning, Ben and I start a daily physical fitness test. Moving around the house with all of the kids’ toys and activities spread around can be challenging and by the…

Words Matter

Obviously, I believe that words matter. Language is a tool that can be used to paint a picture to convey a message. It can be written or spoken. Singing is as old as humanity and can speak to hearts when spoken words can’t’ be heard. I hear a lot of words about what is happening:…

Donate Life

Before our daughter was born, my husband and I met with Arkansas Regional Organ Recovery Agency (ARORA) about organ donation. In utero, she was diagnosed with two critical heart defects and Down syndrome. We were told to expect the worst and hope for the best when she was born and to also understand the risks…

Worry. Worry, worry, worry, worry.

Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone.– Ray LaMontagne I am worried. That is not news. My standard operating baseline includes a level 8 out of 10 in worry. My motto seems to be “If I am not worrying about it, then who will?” It is no surprise that in this time…

What are you thinking about?

What is going on in that head of yours? What are you looking at when you are watching out the window while we drive in the car? What do you think about when you are tucked in bed, waiting to fall asleep? While you are staring out the front door, what do you see? Do…

Heart Month

We planned Ellie’s funeral before she was born. We met with Arkansas Regional Organ Recovery Agency (ARORA) about our options. They looked at test results and talked with doctors to determine which organs and parts could be used by someone else’s baby. She was to be cremated. There would be no ceremony. We would figure…

Jack is ready for school, but I am not.

I registered Jack for Pre-K today. Well, I added him to the list of other kids who want to attend public school Pre-K in August. While there is no guarantee that he will get in, we should hear soon whether or not he is accepted to one of our schools of choice. I missed the…

I don’t like babies.

Dearest Gus, Why won’t you stop crying? All day. All night. You’re clean. You’ve been fed. You are driving me crazy. I don’t like babies. Please don’t misunderstand, I love you, my beautiful baby boy, but I don’t like you right now. It’s not personal. I don’t like any babies at your age. If we…

Heart-Swelling Pride

Ellie was standing on the curb when I got to her school to pick her up yesterday afternoon. I had to stop the car in the middle of the drive when I saw her. She was standing with the help of her little red walker, her hands gripping the handles. She was wearing her leg…